Blogging is an interesting pursuit. I’ve noticed some
people use it as a way to communicate about their ministry. Others write
interesting insights they observe about life.
Whenever I am lost in thought trying to figure out my life,
I think, “That would make a good blog.”
Then I remind myself that my life may not be
everyone’s business.
But then I figure
everyone is trying to figure out the same stuff.
I ask myself a lot of questions.
Or rather, I ask God a lot of questions.
It often seems like I am asking myself
questions, since a lot of the time God doesn’t say anything back.
So there I am, talking to myself.
Oh, I know He is listening, and my faith
allows me to believe He cares.
But let’s
face it – there is a lot of dead air on His end of the line sometimes.
Or maybe that’s just me and I shouldn’t be
writing this in a blog because you will know I don’t hear as much from God as I
want – or maybe you don’t either so it’s OK to be honest.
I ask questions like, “How am I supposed to do life here in
Georgia when my mom is dying of cancer in
Iowa?”
“What will I be when I grow up?”
“Where do I fit?”
“Why do I see a life so full of good things
as often a boring waste of time?”
The other day I got this image in my head, which is unusual,
because I think in terms of numbers and facts much more than pictures.
I was thinking about how I feel like I am struggling
to breathe in my life – struggling to find oxygen.
And I thought of that scene in Matrix where
Neo comes out of that vat of nasty green slime and the tubes that were feeding
him and helping him breathe under water are popping off him.
He’s standing there all slimy and bald and
nasty.
He is grasping the understanding
that there is another reality he is experiencing that he’s never known – but he
is confused since he can’t figure it out and he’s struggling to take his first
breath of oxygen.
He’s gagging on the
slime he inhales as he fights to get real air.
Now you expect that from a newborn baby fresh from the womb.
It’s a new reality for him, but when he
fills his lunges with that first breath, all the systems kick into gear and he
breathes the rest of his life until at the end of his time he draws his last.
But you don’t expect that from a middle aged guy.
You’d think he’d have more things figured out
by now.
Like how to live in light of the
realities and relationships that make up his life.
You’d think he’d figured out how to breathe.
I get the same feeling alot, but mostly it is what God wants me to be doing with my life I have on earth for this short period of time. Do I just exist? What?
good start to this thing, dude. we all struggle, few have the strength of character to show it. but that is exactly what we all need in order to breathe.
Hey Scott,
As I read your latest post, I couldn’t help but think of Thoreau’s famous quote “I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life…”
From 1845 to 1847, Thoreau moved to a hut on the edge of Walden Pond, a small glacial lake near Concord. Guided by the maxim “Simplify, simplify,” he strictly limited his expenditures, his possessions, and his contact with others. His goal: “To live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach.”
We could all stand to re-learn the essentials; thanks for being real.
The best way I can view life, is just one baby step at a time. I know the feeling of too many questions and hanging on for the answers. Just know that the little things you do as a person makes a HUGE difference to the rest of us that are walking with you each day. We pass each other daily and yet you speak volumes with no words.
Thanks Scott for being honest, real and honest. That’s what I most appreciated when you came down last year. You and Marcia are special to me and I send my love to you both.
Scott, thanks for sharing and being real. I join with the others who’ve already mentioned this in their comments in saying that I too struggle to breathe. I am blessed to live with AIM community where others, like you, are willing to be open and share so that we can all walk through life togther and not alone. It is sometimes easy to have fellowship in the “good times,” but it is sheer joy to experience genuine fellowship as we all take turns trying to breath and walking through the difficult ones. Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ!
Interesting thoughts. I often share the same. Breathing through life is difficult, stressful, boring, surprising, challenging, wonderful and down right impossible to do on your own.
When I found someone to talk to about my own issues, I was able to take a breathe now and then.
Someday we will figure it out, but until then…stick a tube in your throat. The tracheotomy might help.
Thanks, Scott….for sharing!