While in Swaziland I was driving down the city street. As always, there were many people walking along the busy street. In the midst of typical African city hustle and bustle for some reason my eye caught a scene that has been seared into my memory. It returns as a haunting vision that replays in my mind’s eye day after day. It happened in a moment, probably less than 2 seconds. And it is somehow changing my life in ways I don’t even yet understand.
I want you to picture a small family. A father, mother, and 5 year old child. The threesome is standing still on a section of concrete along a broken sidewalk. See that the husband is a tall willowy figure, subtly but painfully rocking as he stands along the road. He has death in his eyes – the sunken face, the dry lips, the bony body under old clothes. He barely stands as his wife holds his arm.
Look at the woman as she looks into the eyes of her husband with concern governing her expression. Her entire body posture exudes fear and helplessness. All she can do is hold his arm to steady his frail body. There is no escape from the inevitable. She has questions about his future, her future, the future of their child. There are no answers. No one to help. No where to turn. She is alone as the protagonist of her own tragedy.
Now see the child. Holding onto mothers dress. Looking on the scene of mother and father in desperation. She’s afraid. She wants to be comforted in her fear but there is no margin for that nurturing. At this young age the story playing out in front of her demands the release of her innocent childhood and prepares her for a life full of hard realities. She is certainly part of the story unfolding in her family. But mom and dad are too consumed with the truth of their own harsh world to see her little heart break. Her need for tender nurture will go unheeded. Her present is heartrending and her future is uncertain.
I don’t know how I saw all this in 2 seconds. I don’t know why I still see it every day since. I don’t know what I am supposed to do about it. I do know that this is also what God saw on that sidewalk that day and that it broke His heart. So it is a good thing that it breaks my heart. My heart is broken for that little family. I wonder what they are doing today.
And while this story is not about me, how it effects me is about me, right?
I heard a message recently on being consumed – that God is a consuming fire. Stories and images like the one I described above make me feel like I am being consumed. I feel like the oak log you put on the fire when it is already blazing. As the log burns it changes. I am being changed. The log comes from a tree that is strong and weathered many storms. The ashes I take out of the fireplace and spread around the garden or the woods. There are a lot of analogies to draw from this one about fire and oak logs but that is for another time.
For now I am still thinking about that haunting image of a struggling family along the street in Africa and giving myself over to whatever process or purpose God has in reminding me of it every day.
Great post! It is awesome that you have been touched by this in such a deep way. Being here on the ground I am afraid that we are getting desensitized and my prayer is that that will not happen, that we do not just see and not be touched.
Wow, Scott. This isn’t just a blog post – this is a revelation from God that we get to share in. Thanks for being tender enough to receive it and brave enough to share it.
My spirit prays this: Oh God, how do we respond to this horror? Where do we go with what Scott saw?
Scott, we have never met, but time spent Swaziland at different times is what we have in common. I too thank you for your post. I am wondering what it is that God wants to do with what is etched on my heart, and what you have shared I could see as vividly as if I were there walking along on the street today. I say this all while I am waiting for someone from Swaziland to arrive at the airport, but is in the meantime detained in Dubai because of visa problems after already being re-routed twice and separated from his team coming here. I was very much looking forward to having him here, and am still hopeful that it will happen. Having said all that, I wonder what God will do with all this as Swaziland and it’s good people have a way of breaking (into) your heart in a very profound way. Thanks for sharing and thanks also for listening to my little rant, I was looking forward to Swaziland coming here, and I pray that will still by the grace of God still happen.
Scott – You are a part of what God has in store for the desperate people of Swaziland.
Be encouraged, like Moses, we may not see the final destination but the work is ordained and it is at the center of His heart!
Thanks for sharing this. Thanks to both you and Marcia for continually challenging and encouraging me. Thanks for your unfailing love and compassion. Thanks for not allowing yourself to become desensitized to the hurting in the world. Thanks for being Jesus’ hands and feet.
@Seth, a powerful example of your “consumed” talk at the Stirred conference!
Thanks for sharing your heart, Scott…let God continue to do with it as He will…
Amazing blog. Stopped me in my tracks today. Thanks for your heart for Swaziland and for sharing.